Day By Day

Comments

  • JTC

    That’s beautiful Chris. I feel ya.

    Sometimes on Father’s Day the pure joy of being a dad overshadows the melancholy joy of having one…especially when he’s no longer with us. But I always take a little quiet time to remember. And I always hear him, just like Zed…and you.

    • JTC

      Father’s Day remembrance from a decade ago on the Old Dead Blog, which as I re-read it is remarkably similar to the remembrance I wrote recently on the passing of my Mom. I was -and am- a lucky son.

      https://poetnthepawnbroker.blogspot.com/2009/06/fathers-day-wish.html

      My fondest hope is to live up to that legacy with my own kids…who, at 47, 44, and 35 now tell me on this day that I have and do. Can’t ask for anything better than that.

  • Alaska Paul

    That was a wonderful remembrance and tribute to your late father, Chris. Well done.

    • MasterDiver

      A million upvotes.

      Zar Belk!

    • Unca Walt

      Magnificent, Chris.

  • interventor

    Mothers Day, my sister and I go to church. Fathers Day, neither of us can muster up to go.

  • Toxic Deplorable B Woodman

    Happy Father’s Day to a’y’all Toxic Deplorables Men out there.
    And to you, too, Dad. I know my brother Peter is teaching you what you need to know. (explanations for another time).

  • kadaka

    But what were the girls trying to make for his breakfast and did they get good grouping at 20yds?

  • Too Tall

    Nailed it, Chris.

    My screen is still blurry.

    • kadaka

      My dad died years before his body did, my grieving was already done without realizing it.

      I want to let it out, but he’s at peace, so it’d just be me being sorry for myself.

      • JTC

        No, his mind is sharp again now. Talk to him, let it out directly. And he will talk to you, and tell you it’s “okay”.

        • kadaka

          Um, to keep it short, recently in sleepless early hours I told my mother I’d be fine, go find Dad, and ten or so minutes later the home noticed and called. It’s been a lifetime of peeks behind the curtains, special notifications, and strange coincidences, and being that which does not fear them.

          They are not here. They have advanced, out of range, as it should be. They don’t worry about me and I know they’re taken care of, as it should be. Now as I clean up, I have the memories, which I must leave alone and unpolished, as they should be.

          • JTC

            Back to different strokes, we all grieve in our own way.

            But, remembrance is not self-pity as your first comment suggested, but cathartic; our way of honoring those we loved and lost. and I certainly believe their souls live on, and continue to love us and guide us.

            If as you seem to imply you recently lost your mother, my condolences. I freshly know what that is like.

  • my dad is up at the veterans cemetery in boscawen,NH..he said he wanted to go there because “it would be like going to the bar at the VFW, only forever..”

    deep freeze III 1957-58 found admiral byrd’s “snow cruiser” with a dozer.
    went ashore at Chu Lai in 1965
    “island X” (diego garcia) 1971

    probably lots more he never told us about.

    he’s been gone 10 years. I’ve been up there once. I just can’t bring myself to go.

    • kadaka

      That’s just where what’s left of the body is found, until the glaciers come again and scour the earth. All that mattered has been saved.

      • William Henry

        Dad’s been gone 10 years, he taught me reloading ammo at 12 and by the age of 15 I was doing it myself.
        that was 45 years back and I still use his RCBS 30.06 dies for reloading… I think I’ll work on some 30.06 cases today in his memory

    • DCE

      Warhorse, I have more than a few friends taking their final rest in Boscawen, including two I spent more than a few hours flying with during SAR missions.

  • Zed’s father looks a lot like Sam Elliot and I hear his voice when I read the words given him. In sympathy with a previous comment, my father’s mind also went on ‘vacation’ with moments of clarity. It was a long journey.

  • T Paul

    You know, you could have put your fund drive info up, Chris. We all understand. Your father and every man worthy of being a father understands. The first duty of a father is to provide for his family. Failure to understand that is what puts and keeps people on the left. They’re perpetual children who think everything they want or need will be given to them. That things can be taken from people who made them or earned them in the name of “fairness”.

  • WayneM

    I have a rather conflicted relationship with both of my parents; narcissistic mother & codependent father… I moved out at 17 & made my own way, asking nothing of them. Initially, I tried to honour my parents, to maintain close contact and keep them as part of my life but it was hard and kept getting harder… especially once I got married.

    The coping skills learned as a child made for bad relationship skills as an adult, leading me to bad to worse relationships, culminating in a marriage to a high functioning sociopath which nearly destroyed me. One of the first things my ex did was to put a wedge between me and my entire extended family. Isolate the victim.

    As the old saying goes, rock bottom means no place to go but up. Couples counseling had the opposite of the intended effect as it was soon apparent she wasn’t going to change… but I was more than ready to change since I was miserable. As I took back my agency, it spelled the end of the marriage.

    Getting divorced from a sociopath is almost worse than staying married to one.

    Learning the skills that I didn’t learn as a child allowed me to open the door to my extended family again. I have re-established a kind of relationship with my parents but it is, of necessity, subject to firm boundaries.

    So Father’s Day is bittersweet for me. I wish it was otherwise but that is my reality. My children used to give me gifts on both Father’s Day and Mother’s Day because their mother (my ex) wasn’t the nurturing kind.

    Sorry for the novel, folks… that was rattling around in my head and now it’s out.

    • Chris Muir

      Hang in there,Wayne.

      • WayneM

        Thank you, Chris. Your tribute touched a raw spot, I guess.

  • cb

    Thanks Chris… ok is indeed okay.

  • Don D.

    I just found out that my Dad has been given 8 to 11 months to live. He’s fought hard against Parkinson’s disease, Macular degeneration, and Cancer. It sucks that he’s dying. He’s doing it on his terms.

    Your tribute to your Dad does him honor. I have a simple saying when I help others through the grieving process, “What is remembered lives.”

    • Chris Muir

      Hang in there, Don.And, of course, remember.

  • Lucius Severus Pertinax

    My dad died in ’92. I have had a couple of experiences like that since- Building something, or working on the car.

  • ottersmith

    Dad. He was … never mind. We had a couple of years, before the Great Forgetting, where we made a kind of peace. I wish I could have found a better way to relate with him. I’ll always miss him, and Mom.

    Wonderfully done, Chris.

  • James F Gemind

    Absent Comrades.

  • Pamela

    My Dad passed in ’98 from a 5th aneurysm. It took him out before the agent orange from Nam did. He taught me how to fish, hunt, shoot with intent should the need arise, work on cars and construction.

  • Wotan

    ‘Nuff said. Must be a dust storm a’comin…..

  • eon

    A good dad is always there for you, even when he’s no longer on this Earth.

    God bless, CM.

    eon

  • Delilah T.

    My dad told me he was proud of me. I miss him a lot.

  • Wood

    Dang Chris. Wasn’t expecting to tear up this morning waiting for the bacon to cook. Dad’s been gone 14 years. He met my fiancé and now wife. Wish he could have met his 4 grandkids, he’d have loved it.

  • PaulS

    Lost Dad 7 1/2 years ago, Mom shortly after that (to Alzheimer’s), Mom is back with him for a month now, free of the disease that stole her memory. Fortunately she was a kind gentle soul all the way to the end and their reunion had to be joyful in the next realm. Little bit foggy out today.

  • I know how you feel. I miss my Dad too. It’s been 18 years in November and I still miss him. I keep this song in my playlist. I sing along (badly) and by the end I’m always crying.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=og88M09TJzg

  • Doc Savage

    Well done Chris,

    Lost my father when I was in Afghanistan; two rears later almost to the month, my mother passed while I was in Afghanistan.

    I make it a point to visit them often and think how lucky I was to have had them as long as I did….but it does remind me how important it is to spend the time with them while they are here.

    Happy Fathers day all.

  • Shkmiffle

    Well its raining here so I have an excuse for dampness on my face

  • DCE

    My dad passed almost 5 years ago and I still hear his voice during those times when life throws a curveball. There are times when I miss him more than I can say.

  • MikeS

    Another wonderful tribute Chris! My pop’s ashes are in the living room. I feel him looking over my shoulder often. He was a Canuk and married my mom in 68 after she divorced . He adopted me and my brother and was more of a father than the man who was my dad. Life’s lessons came easily from him and I still hear his advice. His last words to me were a surprise, I said I loved him expecting an “I love you too” back. Instead he said “I know”. My eyes still tear up when I think about it.

    FreeMasonry- Making Good Men Better

  • Steve Peterson

    Thanks Chris !!!
    And hang in there everybody!

  • Gina

    There’s a whole lot of meaning in those few words. Beautiful tribute Chris. Happy Father’s Day to my Dad (passed in ’96) and all Dads, here and not.

  • Bill

    Happy Fathers”s day, Chris and to all all fathers in deed and spirit.

  • Jim Smith

    Nicely said Chris. Poignant, bittersweet, kind and generous. Thanks.

  • JSStryker

    Lost my Dad 17 years ago, I miss him terribly, he taught me a lot of things in life.

  • MommaMackie

    First Father’s Day without my husband and HIS father passed only a month before he did. Sons haven’t said anything. Father in law wasn’t close to my husband and husband, sadly, followed his example with our three sons. Myself, I had an absentee dad, just seeing him in passing at family celebrations and the occasional weekends that my second stepmother insisted on so ‘we can all get to know each other.’ He almost always chose to work those weekends…Fortunately, my one son with children is trying to be the kind of dad to them that his dad wasn’t most of the time. I’m probably the one that misses him most. He’s sitting quietly, waiting for me to join him. Then we’ll be scattered together.

    He did teach our boys one vital thing (Besides an absolutely FEROCIOUS work ethic) – family first. Our boys have kinda scattered as adults, but they were all home within 72 hours. So glad they were.

  • MAJ Arkay

    7 Nov 2014. I was on the road, trying to get home before. He died while we were still 8 hours out. At least all the other kids were at his bedside, and he’d talked to me on the phone a few days earlier. We didn’t have any unresolved issues, and he knew just how much all us kids loved him.

    He’d planned his funeral. Every song had the word “love” in it. He was saying how much he loved Mom and us. The last song was “Somewhere My Love,” for Mom. Can’t listen to that song without tearing up.

    He’s not gone, though. His voice helps keep me on the right track still. He taught me how to tighten fence when I was too bitty to hook up that comealong, but I could crank it. When we sold the old home place, I got that comealong, and most of his welding artwork. Don’t have to use it anymore, but just looking at it makes me smile.

    • MAJ Arkay

      Oops. It was 2004, not 2014. 2014 was when we lost Mother-In-Law.

  • canuck49

    My father knocked-up my mother at 16, then fucked off. So who gives a shit about him!!

    • JJ cooper

      He wasn’t a father, just a sperm donor. I hope you had another man mentor you.
      JJC

  • Ron

    My Dad’s been gone 22 years now after a massive heart attack at 71. It took quite a while to get used to the idea he was gone. Like when I would see a used car and think “Dad would like that one. I should get the number–“

  • Halley

    Beautiful, Chris.

    Being males, communication between father and son is seldom very verbal, nor need it be. The understanding is there anyway, and it’s enough.

    Eternal Now

  • Kafiroon

    Thanks Chris! Great art work.
    It strikes a cord in all of us.
    I am very thankful for my father and the family.
    I am very thankful to see my grandchildren being helpful and well skilled.
    God Has Blessed me.
    Thank You for this remembrance.

  • Spin Drift

    This what I told to my special snowflake after she had an intense discussion with her mother, “be kind to your parents, you have them a very short time.” Stopped her dead in her tracks.

    Spin

  • Christopher Cole

    My Dad died in 1977 when I just got to Germany. I visit his grave every once in a while but I most remember two bits of wisdom he assed on: 1) Unless you honestly examine both sides of an issue, you do not have an opinion – you are a parrot; 2) If your refrigerator is broken, changing the tires on your car won’t help.
    I try to live up to those bits of wisdom.

  • My father died exactly a month ago, so this is my first Father’s Day without him. Thanks for the sweet memory, Chris. It was exactly what I needed to see today.

    • Toxic Deplorable B Woodman

      AMEN! (raises glass in a toast)

  • Grunt GI

    Late Happy Father’s Day everyone.

    Lost my dad three years ago and my FIL almost 20. Still miss them both.

  • My father was a great man, a wealth of knowledge and thought. After Mom departed, he didn’t really care about much of anything than to go be with her. But I still see some of the stuff we did, and ask him for answers sometimes.

  • ((smiles))

    I was raised by a single mom, didn’t really know my dad until mom died when I was 17. He probably saved my life since I was pretty far down the road to a life of crime. He also taught me the working end of a hammer.

    ((smiles))

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