Out To Lunch.
Hold It.


  • April 3, 2019 at 12:09 am

    I was going to say something about giving them lasers and them needing braces, but I cannot form any cogent thought or sentence structure with that Red. Hot. Ass. staring at me like that. You say that girl just had another young ‘un? Damn.

    • April 3, 2019 at 1:59 am

      Yes, I’m sure he comes up from her south side…

  • April 3, 2019 at 12:24 am

    Where is Zed with his sniper rifle? Shoot the leaders, and you turn the stampede.

  • April 3, 2019 at 1:11 am

    The gift of Ted Kennedy just keeps on giving… but remember, the Lion of the Senate promised it would never change the demographics of the USA…

    • April 3, 2019 at 8:03 am

      Decoding Progressives:
      1) They ALWAYS lie or deceive.
      2) They accuse others of doing what they are doing.

      That’s it! They are pretty simple organisms, like the spawn of grabboids, their actions are instinctual, not intellectual.

    • April 3, 2019 at 8:55 am

      I just learned yesterday that JFK was in terrible physical shape, drugged up, with Addison’s disease and degenerative bone disease. And the media covered it up for the election then afterwards, like they covered up for FDR near the end, like they covered up Hillary passing out, getting hauled to her daughter’s apartment rather than an ER, then emerging completely refreshed and hugging the small girl from Central Casting before the announcement she only has pneumonia.

      I can no longer trust whatever mythos the media has created and continues to polish about anything their chosen leading Democrats have done or said, including the Kennedys.

      Heck, about half-hour ago CBS This Morning ran a piece about Biden’s creepy touchy-feelly ways being from another age, it’s how things used to be. Yet they didn’t mention how 2009-2017 it was acceptable to swim naked in front of female government security officers. Strange how the media hasn’t brought it up.

      • April 3, 2019 at 9:35 am
        Old Codger

        Only 09-17? If memory serves, former POTUS and VPOTUS get Secret Service protection pretty much for life! That means he’s still doing it. On balance, though, ain’t nothin’ wrong with skinny dippin’ in your own pool. Way I figure it, a man (<b.OR woman) oughta be able to dress pretty much however they damned well please in their own home. Them secret service weenies and twats don’t like lookin’ at him they can look some other way.

        The fact that the LSM is bringin’ up this bravo sierra now tells me that the powers that be DO NOT want Biden on the ticket next year.

      • April 3, 2019 at 9:51 am
        John D. Egbert

        Hence the radio call “Cobra, Cobra, Cobra” whenever Plugs was wandering around nekkid. Gave the detail time to look elsewhere.

      • April 3, 2019 at 11:24 am

        I’d lay odds that The Hildabeast is behind it.

      • April 3, 2019 at 2:02 pm
      • April 3, 2019 at 10:05 am

        Dang kadaka, You must be a Lot younger than I thought.
        All that JFK stuff was known to those of us that did any digging.
        Still remember exactly what I was doing when he was shot.
        There had been a fairly large group of us arguing about his health, policies and etc. a few days before.
        There is all kinds of dirt on all older politicians too.

      • April 3, 2019 at 10:42 am

        Sorry, I was more Carter and Reagan years, not Elijah Cummings era. What sort of demographics do you think this comic has? If Chris thinks his readers are mostly 20 to 30 years older than him, he might stop doing any plotline that takes longer than a week so no one who croaks will miss much.

      • April 3, 2019 at 9:02 pm

        thought that JFK stuff was ancient news. The MSM never mentions it, I suppose.

        Also Biden gets aroused standing next to the female young uns . And The Alabama Supreme Court Justice running for US Senate got roasted and skewered for doing what just about any Muslim male under Sharia would be insulted by others for chasing old hags. And many cultures, including the old South, considered actually courting younger women to be acceptable. Check the legal marriage ages over history. And check who Sharia allows sex with and rape of.

    • April 3, 2019 at 11:04 pm
      Toxic Deplorable B Woodman

      That’s Hot Toddy Kennedy, the Lyin’ of the Senate.

  • April 3, 2019 at 1:17 am
    Too Tall

    As it has been since well before 1860, a vote for a democrat is a vote for slavery.

    • April 3, 2019 at 1:24 am

      Slavers never Change. People must always be shackled either in chains or with other peoples hard earned money. Threaten pulling the “FREE” stuff and they are obedient to the holders of the purse and keys.

    • April 3, 2019 at 9:36 am
      Old Codger

      Y’ got that shite right!

    • April 3, 2019 at 10:40 am

      A vote for a leftist is a vote for slavery. Then as now, they choose their D’s or R’s to suit their current agenda.

      Slavers never change, they always seek to subjugate the rights of others by buying the support of slaves themselves and deceiving enablers (signalers) about why they do it.

      Same as it’s ever been.

  • April 3, 2019 at 1:35 am

    What a joke the Federal Government has become. They might as well just pee on our legs, then try to tell us it’s raining!!!

    • April 3, 2019 at 10:33 am
      Mark Young

      Might as well? They haven’t got to you yet?

  • April 3, 2019 at 1:55 am
    Punta Gorda

    If I recall, highly motivated bovines do not respect fencing if there is someplace they fell that they desparately need to go.

    Fit a drone with a sprayer and do a sweep with cow in heat urine and the recipients may not like the attention they get.

    • April 3, 2019 at 1:57 am
      Punta Gorda

      About the only thing worse than an angry bull is an amorous one.

  • April 3, 2019 at 3:21 am

    they need quad .50’s on the back of a halftrack, just like they did in korea.

    human wave assaults don’t last long when John Moses Browning is in the house….

    • April 3, 2019 at 2:10 pm

      Half-tracks? Get modern, just go with technicals like in Africa and elsewhere.

      The Pickup Truck Era of Warfare

      • April 3, 2019 at 2:13 pm

        I’m kinda old-school like that. the israelis had halftracks with full modern mechanicals.. diesel engines, automatic transmissions, the works. I understand the upgrades are available as a kit.

      • April 3, 2019 at 4:01 pm

        As suspected, there are bolt-on truck track systems for Alaska and other snowy places, also apparently used in sandy environments. One hour changeover, replaces individual tires.

      • April 3, 2019 at 8:23 pm

        I know where there is an Israeli half-track sitting with a very new looking Detroit Diesel in it that is only covered in desert dust.
        My buddy and I were pestering the park people that it would look just as good without an engine.
        They said we should go back to America.

  • April 3, 2019 at 6:41 am
    Willie k

    How can Zed not afford lasik? Isn’t Sam’s dad a billionaire?

    • April 3, 2019 at 7:14 am

      Actually, that’s Sam’s stepdad (and Jan’s dad).

      Somehow the Owens’s don’t strike me as the type to ask anyone for something they didn’t earn.

  • April 3, 2019 at 8:04 am
    Toxic Deplorable B Woodman

    Who do we have here in the Border Patrol? Graucho Marx? Funny, he ain’t. Where’s Chico and Harpo?

    • April 3, 2019 at 5:16 pm

      Chico and Harpo are chasing Women, but not in D.C.

  • April 3, 2019 at 9:07 am

    Julián Castro crafts plan to decriminalize illegal entry into country, grant citizenship path to millions

    Democratic presidential hopeful Julián Castro on Tuesday unveiled a detailed immigration plan that would offer a path to citizenship for millions of immigrants in the country without authorization. It would also revamp the nation’s asylum and detention policies that are in full focus because of the growing migrant crisis at the southern border.

    Castro’s plan would stop officials from treating illegal entry into the country as a crime, according to his campaign.

    • April 3, 2019 at 9:43 am
      Old Codger

      Somebody oughtta keep a close watch on where and when Julian Castro campaigns. When he was runnin’ for mayor in San Antonio, his identical twin brother, Juaquin, would sub for him without the crowd being in on it. They look so much alike that they’re damned near indistinguishable from 2 yards or more.

  • April 3, 2019 at 9:38 am
    Spin Drift

    How to stop the Illegal Alien Invasion in one easy step? Change the ROE for the BORDER PATROL (not Border Police) to SHOOT TO KILL anyone crossing the border at a non-approved site. Do not ask questions, do not give a f*ck as the US citizens are out of F*CKs to give. If this sounds a little harsh try illegal immigrating into China or North Korea. Get caught and its up against a wall, no questions asked. Bury you where you fall.

    Ready on the left, ready on the right, commence firing, fire at will.

  • April 3, 2019 at 11:27 am

    Where’s Tucker and Suzy in all this? I thought they were coming for lunch.

    • April 3, 2019 at 11:38 am

      Travis put a hog in the smoker and got Suzy to help Skye polish up the bar. There’s a whole new bunch of federal employees who’d appreciate a nearby place to get a good meal and kick back a bit. Capitalism rules!

      • April 3, 2019 at 8:24 pm

        No, Travis put a hawg in the truckbed and got Suzy to be his biker bitch. They went up the country for some wind in their faces and get a good lay. Road rules!

      • April 3, 2019 at 9:46 pm


  • April 3, 2019 at 1:10 pm

    I have a solution for the Leaky Congress on the Mueller Report. Have AG Barr deliver one copy to a SCIF for review. No Cameras. No Phones. Just sit. Just Read,

    • April 3, 2019 at 1:51 pm

      Or place unique and very tempting Easter Eggs in each copy of the report. The when the juicy Easter Egg gets leaked you know who did so.

      • April 3, 2019 at 2:50 pm

        To what end? No one will prosecute the bastards even if they do leak and the innocents they screw still get screwed.

      • April 3, 2019 at 11:11 pm

        Defined as “the canary trap” in The Hunt for Red October”. The Company published something too juicy not to leak, with minor details changed in each copy. Track the differences back to the source. Handle appropriately.

  • April 3, 2019 at 2:49 pm
    Chris Muir

    Lyle was trolling. Lyle is history.

    • April 3, 2019 at 4:57 pm

      Well shoot. He is a rather literate troll at least. And I did enjoy taking my typical seat at the contrarian table with him. But yeah.

      • April 3, 2019 at 9:15 pm
        Chris Muir

        You can always tell, they simply cannot help but start insulting other commenters after an initial coherent statement.

      • April 3, 2019 at 11:53 pm

        Passive/aggressive, an old but effective gambit. Can be enjoyable and even instructive to lure them into self-contradiction and/or incrimination though. But tiresome too and a waste of good and constructive debate time better spent otherwise, so like I said, yeah.

  • April 3, 2019 at 2:55 pm

    Chris, you may have hit on something.
    What if we deport our deadbeats to Mexico undocumented and make them fight their way back in?

  • April 3, 2019 at 3:28 pm

    Is this extreme pandering or just the usual self-deluding craziness? I can’t really tell anymore.

    Beto Tells Sharpton It’s Time To Take A Hard Look At Reparations

    Since the Associated Press reported Beto spoke to a crowd in his native Spanish, it could be he’s wondering about the culpability in his Mexican heritage for American slavery. Or he’s a pandering idiot who’ll say anything.

    • April 3, 2019 at 9:44 pm

      Go ahead Beto/a. I will sue to attach any reparations to pay for the direct thefts, damages to property and damage to livelihood that blacks have directly done to me. I will attach any award of reparation that is made. To family members and myself we could hit a million dollars. Imagine the class action against all such awards. Every non black gunshot victim, murder victim, robbery or theft victim, and more has a claim against those reparations, and the claims are more recent. We deserve reparations for the damages that blacks have done to us. We deserve reparations against the black and Muslim nations that captured and sold the blacks that were taken here. Also to those nations whose ships transported them. If that is the rules of the game, let’s play.

      I believe that I have read that Sharpton took actions that resulted in the deaths of people due to his statements. Tawana Brawley comes to mind as a false Smullet type incident that may have resulted in death to innocents.

  • April 3, 2019 at 4:54 pm

    Chicago elects the most qualified candidate as its token black female gay socialist.

    Chitown has now well and truly joined the ranks of the NYC and the SF/LA commie consortium. But hey, that District Attorney’s job is now safe, right?

    The decline continues apace. Good.

    • April 3, 2019 at 5:16 pm

      Black, female, lesbian, so that’s an intersectionality trifecta. Married with an adopted daughter so a family values supporter. And Lori Lightfoot has last name recognition, namely Gordon Lightfoot. Of course she won.

      • April 3, 2019 at 8:16 pm

        But you missed my fourth listed qualification, the ultimate one in The City That Won’t Work (sorry Daley), she’s a full-blown socialist.

        It’s not a triple, it’s a leftie-world home run!

      • April 3, 2019 at 9:34 pm

        My deceased Democrat former FBI and then part of the Daley Machine and also a labor negotiator cousin would not even support where Chicago has been taken.

    • April 3, 2019 at 7:52 pm

      Lightfoot may be a marginally “better” choice than Prickwrinkle. But the smart money is on “Chiraq – Detroit II (Electric Boogaloo)”

      The only question is whether Chiraq, Crook County or Illinoise declares bankruptcy first.

    • April 3, 2019 at 9:16 pm

      John Kass is hopeful because she’s a former federal prosecutor.

      Of course, she may simply have been the only Democrat not actually under indictment at the time, too.

      As for being a former Fed, two words; Eric Holder.

      clear ether


    • April 3, 2024 at 7:29 pm

      Except Lori Lightfoot was elected in 2019 and recalled in 2023.

  • April 3, 2019 at 9:27 pm

    Eventually President Donald J Trump will have to enlist the aid of all of those who want the benefit of our nation and of Americans to actually implement nd use the powers and laws already vested in him. Those factions that supported him for president and the people who wante their will done must ben enabled to help save the nation.
    President Trump has made great use of those even marginally for the nation, such as using Paul Ryan to get a limited part of what Americans wanted passed through Congress passed. he has used other marginal persons well also. Eventually there must be people who see some of the ideas that I see and that trump sees run for office and win. Just running for office can change the narrative. Just spreading good ideas can change the narrative, and even change the world. We all have that power when we use it wisely.
    Is our President waiting for such a mess that enough people will back him when he puts the troops on the border and places all of the asymmetric invading soldiers (men, women, and children) into confinement areas and then appoint much of the JAG Corps into service and adds 5 to 10 day wonder officers pulled from other duty to learn the skills to handle the military tribunals to send almost every single one of the 500,000 to 150,00 invaders crossing the US border every month back to their home nations or to the nation they entered from. US airlines could be contracted to fly them back with shackles, as necessary, and security to where they must go.
    Then all immigration bonds could be ended or revoked and all set for a hearing could be ordered to hearings. The military tribunals could take over jurisdiction during the crisis. Any person in the immigration backlog could be (not must be) immediately taken before such tribunals.

    It must no longer be catch and release. It must be catch and determine by adjudication.
    Catch and adjudicate.
    Due process.

    The ranch should have military tents put up to do the holding and adjudication. Problem solved. (The globalists, Democrats, leftists and the enemies foreign and domestic do not want this problem solved, as they do not want many problems solved. I saw this coming with Ted Kennedy ramrodding that other Senator’s Immigration Act through the Senate when I was a child. There are always those who wish to damage other people’s lives and the nation. We could have helped these nations and people. Now we have no obligation to reduce their suffering. Our kindness may result in some action, but we have absolutely no obligation. Soros and others wealth being confiscated to help all that they hurt, including the asymmetric armies invading us, is within the realm of legality and morality).

    There are many willing people in this nation to take part in this administration of justice for the invaders, and justice for the people of the United States of America.

    • April 3, 2019 at 11:23 pm
      Toxic Deplorable B Woodman

      “We’re gonna give you a fair trial, followed by a first class hangin’ ”
      To which I will add, “BRING UP THE TREBUCHET!”
      That will make a quick and neat disposal of the bodies, living or dead, back across the border.

      • April 3, 2019 at 11:47 pm

        I’ve always said that was the perfect deportation tool. 😉

      • April 4, 2019 at 8:15 pm

        A humorous solution is always more enjoyable to read than an actual solution.
        WAIT! Your solution might get immediate and total result from all not set subject to the fling of the trebuchet! I just pitch the many solutions. I don’t throw those subject to the laws of the jurisdiction beyond where they deserve.
        The ride provided by a trebuchet is not an inducement to come here. It is more like a squirrel launcher at a bird feeding station. Will the squirrel return? The Chinese may have invented it, but Western civilization found better ways to use it. It sure is better for the USA than those who get a lifetime free ride on the US taxpayers expense.


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