Just State It.


  • November 21, 2015 at 9:24 pm

    I recall hearing once that the best way for a convenience store to get asshat “youths” to quit loitering was to run music that they hate.

    I also recall G. Gordon Liddy’s stories of overwhelming loud rapmobiles with his stereo—playing military marches.

    • November 21, 2015 at 10:13 pm
      Don Edwards

      Military marches? Bah.

      1812 Overture all the way.

      • November 22, 2015 at 6:38 am
        Bill G

        Bagpipes. Since I love the pipes, they’re a pleasure for me, but I realize that I’m not in the majority here.

      • November 22, 2015 at 9:00 am

        “Amazing Grace” only sounds “right” played on the pipes.



      • November 22, 2015 at 9:40 am
        Uunca Walt

        True dat. But even then, it takes some skill… I heard a guy with bagpipes doing a pretty fair imitation of a pig getting castrated.

      • November 22, 2015 at 11:53 am
        Boobie the Rocket Dog

        Amen, brother.

      • November 22, 2015 at 5:52 pm

        With real cannons mounted behind the grille!

  • November 21, 2015 at 9:47 pm
    Wicked Duke

    I tried to snort a chunk of homemade peanut brittle with that next-to-last frame!

  • November 21, 2015 at 10:04 pm

    That’s a choice piece of music to scare invaders away.

    Using the Royal Scots Dragoon Guards Pipes and Drums works well also.

    • November 21, 2015 at 11:55 pm

      Try Bloody Knife’s war dance.

    • November 22, 2015 at 3:55 am

      Hi, Pamela:

      I’d opt for ‘Scotland The Brave’. Or ‘Sgt. McDonough’ from “We Were Soldiers” set to Royal Scots Pipes and Drums.

      • November 22, 2015 at 10:23 am

        Years ago a friend used Scot Pipe and Drums music to cure neighbors of all night Disco Parties. Sent the family away after no sleep for the umpteenth time, turned the speakers to the wall and left for the day. Stoned and hungover does not react well to the Highlanders Sunday Morning Devotional Music.

      • November 22, 2015 at 2:23 pm
        Otto Didact

        Not to be picky, but the title of the piece is “Sgt. MacKenzie. Had a bit of a time finding it but when I did I appreciated the message. Problem with using it for this application would be limitations of the drone. No way to carry speakers and sound system of sufficient power to reach the ground at sufficient amplitude to bother the wetbacks (a term I frequently hear spoken with a decided Mexican accent). The bastards are frequently packing heat these days and the drone would be vulnerable at low enough altitudes. Plus the power drain would be enormous. Really large loudspeakers are not at all aerodynamic. But it’s a nice idea.

        (as would a mine field be) 😉

      • November 22, 2015 at 4:03 pm

        Nah, you’re probably an old dude like me remembering old sound tech…some of the Bluetooth speakers not much bigger than a cigarette pack I’m seeing come through the pawnshop sound like a room full of woofer cabinets and carry their own rechargeable cell; tape on an iPod full of anti mex mix and torment ’em for as long as the drone batteries last. Still leave life capacity for a lightweight hi-cap squirtgun…kel-tec pmr-30 comes to mind. 30 rounds of 22 mag will have ’em dancing to that Barry “music”!

      • November 22, 2015 at 4:05 pm

        *lift* capacity…

      • November 22, 2015 at 10:51 pm

        Oh yeah, there’s a rail on that pmr…gotta have a green laser on there, and watch ’em scramble…AAIIEEEE indeed!

    • November 22, 2015 at 3:22 pm

      Ooh. I have one of their albums. Gorgeous stuff. Look up “The Gael” on YouTube, or “Coming Home,” featuring Mark Knopfler.

  • November 21, 2015 at 10:30 pm
    Lonny Bridges

    So, does that eyepatch mean that Zed is now blind in that eye?

    • November 22, 2015 at 12:17 am

      No, it just lets him be even more studly until his eye heals…

  • November 21, 2015 at 11:02 pm

    Heh. Hellboy II.

  • November 21, 2015 at 11:02 pm

    For 15 years my pawnshop was in a building with a convenience store and across from the local high school. When school got out at 3 a bunch of the little darlings would beeline for drinks, smokes, etc., and stand around clogging the area around my front door. When asked to move along most did but of course there’s always a few with a bad attitude and a big mouth; I’m easygoing but don’t respond well to disrespect so there was the potential for escalation and there were a few incidents.

    Then I read a story, I think from London where they set up speakers playing classical music on corners where thugs, ho’s and druggies would congregate ..eureka!

    I took one of those big old 80’s boomboxes and laid it face down in the perforated soffit of the overhang outside my door, tuned to old-time country and with a cord running inside so I could plug it in at 3. I prefer classic rock but I don’t mind a little country, and during that time Hank, Waylon, Willie, and the boys became my best friends…that stuff is like poison to those tender little ears and my loitering problem was no more. Sometimes just for fun I didn’t turn it on until a knot had gathered of the type that were (formerly) particularly annoying. Then I would cue the music, way up loud, and the little shitheads froze, looked up, looked around, and got the hell out of earshot as fast as their little feets would go.

    Considering the decibels and beat of the mex music I hear from the whoopties sometimes, I don’t know what you could play annoying enough, and loud enough, to drive the invaders off DD property, but I hope the drone speakers have the same effect on them as my old boombox had back in the day…it’s one of my fondest memories of the 90’s, right up there with the Clinton AWB creating a windfall of $100 sales of $15 “preban” gun magazines.

    • November 22, 2015 at 6:07 am

      Take a page out of Robert Heinlein’s “Sixth Column”. Transmit a fourteen-cycle subsonic tone along with the music. It effects the human nervous system and inspires a feeling of dread and a royal case of the “Heebee-Jeebies!”

    • November 22, 2015 at 9:36 am

      Anything with accordions is Polka Music

    • November 22, 2015 at 1:17 pm

      Years ago, a buddy of mine was the night manager at a hotel which also had a lounge which featured live music. There was often a slummy crowd of local ne’er-do-wells who congregated outside of the main entrance to deal drugs and generally make a nuisance of themselves. My buddy was complaining about it over coffee and I observed that the wee hours was a good time to break out a hose and wash the dirt and other annoyances off of the steps & sidewalks. Problem solved.

  • November 21, 2015 at 11:25 pm
    Boobie the Rocket Dog

    Got me. I do not recognize that lyric. Am I too old or too young?

    • November 21, 2015 at 11:31 pm
      Al T.

      Manilow I think. Don’t know if it’ll work on the beaners but it would sure as hell drive me away…

    • November 21, 2015 at 11:42 pm
      Chris Muir


      • November 22, 2015 at 12:21 am
        Al T.

        Heh. Hard to believe that shit could be so bad but still somehow remind me of GFR I’m Your Captain, one of best effing rock songs of all time. I’m not even ashamed to admit burning a good doob and being lulled into semi-consciousness to the extended version cranked up on my old Kenwood and some badass Bang&Olufsen speakers…”I’m getting closer to my hoooome…” repeat repeat repeat. Ah youth, where did you go…thanks for the inadvertent time machine, Chris!

      • November 22, 2015 at 5:21 am


        Hey, be nice to Barry. I understand he’s been hospitalized with vaginitis again.

      • November 22, 2015 at 11:51 am
        Boobie the Rocket Dog

        No wonder I didn’t recognize it. Thanks.

  • November 21, 2015 at 11:43 pm
    Spin Drift

    Asymmetrical Warfare?

    War Eagle

  • November 22, 2015 at 12:34 am

    Mozart works best.

    The people at Muzak probably have research on what music works best for what purpose, either attracting or repelling targeted demographics. That is their business. The state legislature in Missouri should mandate that the state university use Lawrence Welk as background music. The heart attacks among the NY Times and NPR set would be reason enough.

    • November 22, 2015 at 12:58 am

      Turn on the bubble machine!

      And a one, and a two….

      • November 22, 2015 at 9:47 am
        Uunca Walt

        “Play that-h, funky musiic, blakk buoy.”

  • November 22, 2015 at 12:35 am

    As a practical observation I have a long retired friend who lives in a heavily Mexican area of Ontario Ca. His observation is that the best repellent for the breed is baroque classical music. He watched the children cross the street to get farther from his house when he played that kind of music.


    • November 22, 2015 at 2:49 pm
      Ian Restil

      A bixie! (Nice to see you, and one of them, again.)

  • November 22, 2015 at 2:21 am

    For the ultimate in aural warfare, I recommend Frankie Yankovic and His Yanks blasting accordion polka music at #11 on the volume knob of the amp. Guaranteed to stop race rioters in their tracks and send the culturally deficient scurrying back to their lairs screaming in agony. Much more effective than nerve agents and a lot more fun……….

    • November 22, 2015 at 6:08 am

      The Royal Highland Grenadiers playing “God strike the Sultan Blind!”

    • November 22, 2015 at 3:04 pm
      Otto Didact

      Not that sure Polka music would be all that effective running off wetbacks. One of the most popular musical styles among Hispanics is Conjunto which is really “polka with a dip”. It really is a polka but with a little Spanish “dip”. Accordions figure prominently in it. The way I remember it being explained, there was a time when polka was the rage in much of Europe and it came over to Mexico with settlers from Spain. Of course it came to Texas with the mass of German immigrants in the 19th century. It’s actually kinda catchy. sorta like the Tex-Mex version of Honky-Tonk.

  • November 22, 2015 at 2:55 am

    Greatly amused tonight, thank you.

    • November 22, 2015 at 2:57 am

      Although I must say weapons on board are a viable option. 😈 If that didn’t play, you may know the emoticon.

  • November 22, 2015 at 2:58 am

    I don’t know, Pete. Some of the Mex “music” I hear out here has accordions and almost sounds Polka-ish.

    BTW….I’m from Chicago and a shirt-tail relative of Frankies!

  • November 22, 2015 at 5:23 am

    Gives me to think….

    How about drones flying over Dearbornistan scattering bacon bits?

  • November 22, 2015 at 6:22 am

    Whitney Houston’s “I Will Always Love You”. I read that some apartment dwellers in Great Britain, sick of being assaulted by this song for hours from speakers on a balcony, broke into this girl’s apartment and threw song, stereo and all over the rail. The judge acquitted them on all charges.

  • November 22, 2015 at 6:40 am

    Blasting Barry Manilow?


    A true Area-Denial Munition…and probably banned by the UN.

    We hope.

  • November 22, 2015 at 6:45 am
    Bill G

    Anyplace the pipes don’t work, I’d suggest checking out the music on Yo-yo Ma’s first Silk Road Ensemble album, “When Strangers Meet”.
    Find more music akin to the first song and play lots of that.
    It took me a number of times listening through to appreciate it; I’d like to see the experiment.

  • November 22, 2015 at 8:01 am

    Fo’ shame, puttin’ Barry down like that!
    (The only bit I remember from a concert of his on one of the pay channels when I was a kid was he supposedly wrote an ad song for Hoover with the final line “Hoover really sucks!” He says he was never asked to write ad music again.)

    Shouldn’t that have been Rick Astley anyway? 😉

    • November 22, 2015 at 11:09 am

      I agree! Rick-rolling Mexicans from directly overhead would be a pretty good repellent.

  • November 22, 2015 at 8:38 am

    Margaritaville in Key West had a sign that read “Shoplifters will be tied to a chair and forced to listen to Barry Manilow.” Although these days going to Key West is pretty bad all by itself.

  • November 22, 2015 at 9:08 am

    I know Captain & Tenille drives a lot of the “younger set” nuts.

    Amazingly, they hate Cher, too. Especially “Gypsies, Tramps & Thieves”.

    I used to do errand work for a charity organization, and found that the best way to keep prying eyes and busy fingers away from my Jeep was the stereo.

    My “playlist” was mostly orchestral movie soundtracks which I happen to like, such as “Caravans” by Michael Batt, “Chariots of the Gods” by the Peter Thomas Orchestra, and anything by James Horner or Jerry Goldsmith.

    “Patton” sent them screaming down the block. And I didn’t even play it above “3” on the volume control.



  • November 22, 2015 at 9:08 am

    Glad someone asked… I figured it was Bieber.

  • November 22, 2015 at 9:11 am

    And with that, “AAIEEEE!” it looks as if you may have caught a Cajun in the ‘crossfire’.

  • November 22, 2015 at 9:21 am

    Neil Sedaka and Captain & Tennille might work too

  • November 22, 2015 at 9:29 am
    Grunt GI

    Shock and Awe at it’s finest!!

  • November 22, 2015 at 9:31 am
    David Preston

    Now you’ve done it! Offend Barry Manilow at your own peril! When Dave Barry did it the first time, his fans showed up with torches and pitchforks!

  • November 22, 2015 at 10:53 am

    In the jukebox in every Waffle House is a record that is never normally played. It’s the founder’s wife singing inspirational songs about working at Waffle House. You play it at your own peril.

    A friend of mine who collects bad music actually persuaded the corporate HQ to send him a copy of the 45. I heard it, once.

  • November 22, 2015 at 10:58 am
    Jim N.

    Surprised he didn’t Rick Roll them… that would have been even worse that Manilow. Just sayin’

  • November 22, 2015 at 12:01 pm
    Chris Burns

    My Dad’s oldest brother (WW2 vintage Navy before going to the seminary)was a Catholic priest up in the Boston area. He was more than a bit deaf from working construction as a kid. One of heisfew luxuries was the best stereo possible in his car ( usually a big Ford station wagon or sedan to haul stuff). One day he was being assaulted by loud and nasty rap at a stoplight.

    Gregorian Chant at ful volume for the win.

    • November 23, 2015 at 12:15 am
      Pete in NC

      20 years ago my daughter’s church youth group volunteered to help the Salvation Army with its Christmas fund raising (stand by the bucket and ring the annoying bell). I agreed to help on condition that daughter and I play carols on our instruments – she on flute, me on trombone. We were at a Wal-Mart in a poorer part of the county, and there were a lot of folks (mostly older black women) waiting for the bus near us who seemed to appreciate the entertainment. Along comes a latino kid in his rumble-mobile, with some kind of punky-rap turned up real loud, and parks right in front of us. So I pointed the bell of the old Conn 88H in his window and let him have Angels from the Realms of Glory. He left halfway through the 2nd verse, but my bus stop audience didn’t seem to mind. Dunno what his problem was, my intonation was good…

  • November 22, 2015 at 12:59 pm

    Better it should pipe out Adele, Gomez, Miley or Beiber’s whining–or rock & roll’s screeching, wailing & amped typhoon of noise.

    Melody the Latins understand & enjoy:

  • November 22, 2015 at 4:40 pm

    I had enough of Nancy Sinatra’s “These Boot’s are made for Walking” after about an hours worth of it at bar time in Stoughton from my upstairs neighbor.
    He never played it again… Ever…
    Great one Chris, like everybody else, I snorted Sun Drop out my nose when I read it!

  • November 22, 2015 at 5:19 pm

    I see Jan’s hair grows longer by the day.

  • November 22, 2015 at 10:23 pm
    Polly Cy

    Google “Noriega Playlist” or “Music Torture.” Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

  • November 22, 2015 at 11:32 pm

    Try Mary, Australia’s queen of yodeling. Until I heard it, I would have never believed that two people could yodel in harmony….

    Lets yodel and waltz!

  • November 23, 2015 at 12:22 am

    I’d go with the beauty of the pipes’ skirl. It should make the wetbacks stop to change undies at the very least! I’ve been given to understand it is also a powerful motivator to rise from bed and turn off a stereo at the other end of a house in time to make the school bus, especially when prefaced by the 1812 Overture and as a warning of an imminent rendition of Bolero from a 33 rpm platter recorded at 78 rpm. Some kids just don’t appreciate parents thoughtful enough to ensure their education.

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