Day By Day


  • Pamela

    Ice inside? I take it that the turkey was not brined?
    And it is still residing in the rafters. Okie Dokie. Hmm.
    Is it time for tequila shots?

    • GruntGI

      Oh. You got that right. Family holidays require lots of liquor.

      • Interventor

        In the South, it’s lots of sweet tea.

    • Caved1ver01

      It’s called a “turkey mortar”, i.e., the sudden thermodynamic heat transfer of a frozen/semi-frozen turkey placed into boiling oil.

      • Merle

        and it’s pretty much the same effect as water getting into molten lead !!!

    • JTC

      Roosting in the rafters way post-mortem?
      Referencing yesterday’s discussion of aggressive turkeys, I believe we have us a WINNAH!

      Srsly, deep-frying whole turkeys is a dangerous proposition, in the same realm as doing home fireworks. Every year quite a few stupids burn and blow their selves up in those respective endeavors…often fueled by “here, hold my beer” moments.

      That is not to say it is not time for tequila shots…for hot redheads it is pretty much *always* time for tequila shots. 😉

      But stay away from the hot oil cooker and the fireworks; that’s a whole ‘nother kind of hot. :O

      • MasterDiver

        It doesn’t take much water to generate a LOT of force. I was melting down salvaged lead, and a piece must have had been left in water for too long, and absorbed some (they do that!) I heard a funny noise coming from the melting pot, wisely moved back, and POW! twelve pounds of molten lead went skyward! No injuries, no damage, but it couldn’t have been half a teaspoon of water that flashed to steam. I now make damn sure that everything is bone dry before I turn on the heat.

        Zar Belk!

        • SgtCpt

          MD I remember my Dad coming home from work covered in lead. This would have been 1965 or 66. He was a Master Plumber melting lead to pour joints. It was winter and just a little ice got in the mix. The lead was in his jacket, pants, and long under wear. Fortunately all he had was a lot of first and some second degree burns. When I took up the trade years later melting lead was old school and rarely used.

          • MasterDiver

            My Dad’s father was a Master Plumber of the same vintage. In fact, I inherited my lead-working equipment from him.

            Zar Belk!

      • Pamela

        I’m serving one Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow and another on Friday. It will be more than a few Tequila shots by the time it is over.
        The only food out of a can or jar will be the olives and pickles.

    • JackDeth 72

      You beat me to it, Silvergreycat:

      A favorite episode.

      Alton and ‘Good Eats’ always seemed to be way ahead of the curve when it comes to food preparation and the science of gastronomy.

      • silvergreycat

        *You beat me to it, Silvergreycat*…No problem, Jack, we probably share a thought…Mr. Brown would make a great guest at the ranch.

  • Swansonic

    That’s a good strong barn. Very lucky it didn’t burn down from the fireball…..

    • Henry

      Fireball, butterball, read the label carefully.

  • Too Tall


    Is Sam a graduate of Purdue University?

    From back in the day when they use to have their annual competition to see who could get the charcoal briquets ready for grilling the fastest?

    In 1995, George H. Goble an electrical engineer won (?) by dumping three (3) gallons of liquid oxygen (LOX) on sixty (60) pounds of charcoal and a lit cigarette.

    The charcoal was ready in three (3) seconds. The resulting fireball reached 10,000 degrees Fahrenheit, and the grill itself was vaporized. The West Lafayette, IN Fire Department responded in force.

    Note that if you reverse the process and drop the charcoal and cigarette into the LOX you get an explosion. There would have been no survivors and no cool YouTube videos.

    The contest was permanently cancelled and George won an Ig Noble Prize for chemistry in 1996.

    One can’t help but wonder if George was one of Sam’s mentors.

    • JTC

      TT, a turkey pox on you for sending me down that hilarious hole of yourtube links!

    • Pamela

      Hmm. I’d say they were candidates for the Darwin Awards

  • War Pig

    I gave up and bought an electric oil fryer for the turkey. Used it last year and the results were great. The bird is tender, juicy and full of flavor without injecting it. Plus, since it fries horizontally, no chance of putting the bird in wrong way down and having half a gallon of lava-hot oil spill out of it and onto the fire below in the old style propane cooker when raised out of the oil, as my cousin (by marriage) did the year before that. The flame erupted like a volcano and he dropped the bird and ran, which caused the bird to land back in the oil, spilling more onto the conflagration and causing a geyser of flaming oil The volunteer fire department wasn’t real happy being called out on Thanksgiving Day to deal with a yard on fire and they had some choice words for the cousin about his mental, moral and genetic failings as the life squad treated the oil burn on his arse. Glad the propane tank didn’t explode. I have to say, though, that oil fried turkey is absolutely delicious, even using my “sissified” (as my cousin put it) indoor electric oil fryer. I just wish we’d had a video of his disaster for YouTube.

  • WayneM

    This Canuck has never had deep-fried turkey. When I showed a picture of a maple syrup boiler to a Southerner and she claimed it was a turkey fryer. lol

    • JTC

      Why would you boil your maple syrup? Doesn’t Aunt Jemima do that before she bottles it up?

      -A Southerner 🙂

      • Interventor

        Boil the sap down to make syrup.

        • JTC

          Pine sap? -A Flarduh Southerner

          ( Sorry, I was being facetious and apparently unsuccessfully funny in the southern vernacular)

          Thank you though.

  • I have, apparently, been very lucky with my turkey frying. But I make sure it is completely thawed, ensure the oil is at the proper temp, turn the burner OFF before inserting the turkey, lower the turkey SLOWLY into the oil, cover the tank, then fire the burner back up. 3 1/2 minutes per pound, turn the burner OFF, get the turkey out. Have done a number of them and (touch wood) never had a problem.

    Happy Thanksgiving.

  • Deplorable B Woodman

    Dear Sam,
    Dear WarPig,
    Deep frying a whole bird should NEVER be done indoors, ANYWHERE. No Ands, Ifs, or Buts. The End.

  • KathyP

    This column gave me a really belly laugh. I think it’s one of the funniest things you’ve ever created, Chris.

  • eon

    A “turkey launch” seems funny, but it isn’t, as it can have dangerous consequences.

    In 1821, Jacob Perkins patented a “steam amusement rocket”. It was basically a sealed brass cylinder, filled with water , with a small orifice at one end filled with lead after filling. It had four fins and a conical “top” attached.

    Set in a bonfire, it would boil the water until the lead plug was either melted out or softened enough for the steam pressure to push it out. The rocket would go over 200 feet into the air on steam pressure alone.

    Perkins wanted something “safer” for Guy Fawkes’ Day bonfires than fireworks. He concluded that the steam rocket wasn’t it. He later went on to become one of the pioneers of refrigeration, using condensation of gases rather than dry ice.

    Anyone who thinks that only gunpowder is dangerous has never been on the wrong end of uncontrolled high-pressure steam.

    clear ether


    • GWB

      Eon, there’s also the guy who wants to go to space the steam punk way – a steam rocket. (And I can’t find the story now, dangit.) He’s built the one he’s going to fly over a ghost town from scrap aluminum and such.

      • Bob in Houston-Vast Right Wing Basket of deplorable!

        I hate to link to WaPo but heres a link to your steam powered rocketeer, tinyurl’d for brevity.

    • John D. Egbert

      Re high-pressure steam: ask any veteran Navy BT (Boiler Tender) about what happens when passing a crowbar through the ejecta from a pinhole leak in a 1200 psi line. A cleaner, quicker cut you will never see.

    • John

      On rare occasions that power can still be inadvertently demonstrated.
      I once saw a film of a hot water heater with no safety valve and a bad thermostat launch itself through the roof of a three story house from the basement. The tank landed half a block away.

    • TomZ

      “Anyone who thinks that only gunpowder is dangerous has never been on the wrong end of uncontrolled high-pressure steam.”
      Or watched Mythbusters play with water heaters.

  • Richard

    That’s Alton’s greatest invention – “The Turkey Derrick”.

  • Arkelk

    Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

    • MAJ Arkay

      And that Big Easy does one fine job. We have ours ready to receive the turkey when it comes out of the smoker. Light smoking going on right now, then finish in the Big Easy. The smells are fantastic (yeah, we’re cooking a day early, so there’s no fuss and bother on the day).

      Two kinds of cranberry salad/sauce, cornbread dressing and gravy, roasted sweet potatoes (none of the marshmallow nasty crap here), brandied carrots, shredded brussel sprouts in balsamic vinegar and butter, french bread, chocolate pie and lemon cake.

      We always eat good on Thanksgiving.

  • Alex J

    Chris and everyone who enjoys or comments:

    – Please have a wonderful and safe Thanksgiving.
    – For those of us who must travel, safe journeys!
    – For those if us who must partake of meal(s) with Slaver-crats & their spawn, may the Good Lord grant us strength to get through without permanent consequences.

    Remember, This, too, shall pass.

  • Kafiroon

    Years ago, I was “informed” along with a few fellow bored males, by a future SJW, that various types of bonfires etc. for turkeys, that it had been a dry spell since 4th. of July.