Might As Well Jump!
Guardians of the Aristocracy.


  • March 28, 2017 at 8:33 pm

    They will probably make a mess of the barn. That’s what they do with everything they touch.

    • March 29, 2017 at 7:50 am

      While I appreciate the sentiment, a total waste of time……now, on the other hand, if this is an extermination exercise…..

    • March 29, 2017 at 10:18 am

      It could be worth replacing the barn entirely, if it happened to burn down.

  • March 28, 2017 at 8:33 pm

    Would you trust Stewart Smalley with any kind of a firearm? I’d stick him in mittens so he couldn’t even point a finger and go “pew! pew!”

    • March 28, 2017 at 10:52 pm

      He’s a prog. If he did go ‘pew pew’ he would give himself PTSD.

      • March 29, 2017 at 2:51 am

        Yes, guys….

        But Al, Chuck Schumer, Elijah Cummings and Diane Feinstein would make GREAT Chew Toys for Alpha to chase and play with!

      • March 29, 2017 at 5:40 am

        Alpha would puke after chewing up that filth, and a hotwash would be required, but then what would you do with the water, send it to Hanford?

  • March 28, 2017 at 8:36 pm
    Spin Drift

    You can get 535 graves in a barn? It must be YUUUGGGEEEE!!!

    The only known example of digging your way out of a hole.

    • March 28, 2017 at 8:44 pm

      535 graves?

      Ever see “Arsenic And Old Lace”? They stack neatly.

      • March 28, 2017 at 8:46 pm

        There’s Yellow Fever in Texas? Where’s Teddy when we need him…

      • March 28, 2017 at 9:54 pm

        Pamela and formwiz win the thread.

      • March 29, 2017 at 9:41 am
        Spin Drift

        Yup, read the play, saw the play, seen the movie more than once. As to stacking three high, that much unfettered excrement in close proximity could constitute a weapons grade bio hazard.

        Nope got to spread em out a little but a few of the miscreants are going out in the back 640 to quote Josey “coyotes got to eat same as worms.”

        “Bully to be Chiefed by the devil tongues.”

      • March 29, 2017 at 7:40 pm

        SD as compost works it generates heat. Stacking three high might cause spontaneous combustion. Best to spread it out a little.

    • March 29, 2017 at 12:56 am

      Indoor arenas can cover as much as five acres without blinking an eye.

    • March 29, 2017 at 8:48 am

      Spin, plant em on their head, screw them in REAL deep just to make sure. 3 feet of concrete overlay.

      Should be plenty of room.

      • March 29, 2017 at 1:39 pm

        These options leave a residue and they are all more than a trace amount.
        How about a manned mission to the Delta Quadrant? It would be funny to see how many of the female members of congress get knocked up. And now many are avoided at all costs. To quote Cary Grant from Bringing up Baby “Because I just went gay all of a sudden!”

  • March 28, 2017 at 8:43 pm

    In the immortal woids of Bugs Bunny, “Ain’ it da troof”.

  • March 28, 2017 at 8:44 pm

    Considering most have a whole lot of experience shoveling excrement, the gardens will be abundant this year. I see double digging and stringing wire, bringing the hay in, branding, culling the herd for market and some castrations.
    Just need to decide who.

    • March 28, 2017 at 9:52 pm

      There is a type of person(?) that cannot be castrated as they display no male characteristics or equipment. But even though they are full of BS, they have No idea what a barn is or the associated chores. They do not work, since they do not know what that is either.

      • March 28, 2017 at 10:53 pm

        We are the hollow men
        We are the stuffed men
        Leaning together
        Headpiece filled with straw. Alas!
        Our dried voices, when
        We whisper together
        Are quiet and meaningless
        As wind in dry grass
        Or rats’ feet over broken glass
        In our dry cellar

        Shape without form, shade without colour,
        Paralysed force, gesture without motion

        For another great read, check out the essay “The Sons of Murphy Brown” by Terrence O. Moore.

      • March 29, 2017 at 4:06 pm

        All for the want of a match, a momentary smouldering and then ash and nothingness.

    • March 29, 2017 at 4:03 pm
      Don in AK

      Castrations? Pamela, do you really think any of them actually have male equipment? Seems to me they all wear little pink hats…

      • March 29, 2017 at 4:25 pm

        They can’t all be eunuchs or castrati. Wimps. Yes. Spineless. Yes.
        Maybe Paramecium since they live in a swamp…

  • March 28, 2017 at 8:49 pm
    Grunt GI

    The interesting thing would be to watch Sam give them the stare down.
    I imagine the fiery redhead would have them all quivering and shaking.
    Oh, and imagine those ridiculous city slickers trying to eat BBQ?

    • March 28, 2017 at 10:59 pm

      Pee-louse-ee already went a round with Sam. I’m rooting for Schumer v. Naomi. How about Fienstein v. Sam. And just for giggles McCain v. Jan.

      Of course my money is all on the Ladies. Any takers?

      • March 28, 2017 at 11:31 pm
        Grunt GI

        Haha, I forgot about that…all of those would be fun to watch…

  • March 28, 2017 at 9:06 pm

    I still say Skye needs a spanking…

  • March 28, 2017 at 9:36 pm

    Regarding 535 graves, does anybody remember the movie “Frailty”?

    • March 29, 2017 at 3:00 am

      That film. One of Bill Paxton’s best work as a director and actor.

      Or…. Give the 1995, Uber PC Black Comedy ‘The Last Supper’ a shot.

      Great ensemble work from Courtney Vance, Ron Perlman, Bill Paxton, Mark Harmon, Charles Durning and a killer vegetable garden!

  • March 28, 2017 at 9:41 pm

    Not sure, but I think Texas has laws against cruelty to animals. Just make it quick and painless, will you?

    • March 29, 2017 at 6:35 am
      Bill G

      Why? I’ve been sitting here enjoying fantasies of these B.S. slingers meeting the bull…Tabasco.
      Fairly quick, but not painless.

  • March 28, 2017 at 9:45 pm

    There’s always the back forty and pup tents. Get some Civil War re-enactors to show them how to set them up, dig sanitary trenches, and etc.

    For real down-home fun, lay in a supply of hardtack.

    As a bonus, the ones who love illegal immigrants so much will get to have close encounters with same. Except these won’t be mowing the lawn, vacuuming the drapes or au pairing the kids.

    clear ether


    • March 29, 2017 at 6:57 am

      Don’t forget the salt pork to go with the hardtack. And water from the nearest hoof print.

      Zar Belk!

    • March 29, 2017 at 1:43 pm

      You forgot the beans and Blazing Saddles

  • March 28, 2017 at 9:56 pm

    There is planty of testesterone in Congress. Unfortunately it is all with the Democratic women.

  • March 28, 2017 at 9:57 pm
    Old Codger

    {sigh} If only.

  • March 28, 2017 at 10:08 pm

    Now, People. Donald was talking about including these deviants in normal human activity. he was trying to introduce his work force into what humanity and Americans do. Ignite them. Fire them up. See if any of them are any more than a jump dog that heads out all excited looking and maybe sights the quarry, but then hangs back from actually taking the quarry as Pat and Mitch and others have appeared to do so far.
    trump is trying to get this herd to be American. Gould Maxine and friends survive even thinking those notions, much less the reality. Pelosi would go catatonic, though how could anyone tell for all of the Botox.
    Imagine the herd centered in the barn and with tents spilling into the first fenced pasture connected to the barn (Fresh fence could be installed quickly to protect the real innocent animals. I am glad Wiener is no longer in the 535.) Some locals could be hired to ride herd and try to give them some real American experience and understanding. Ranchers that know how to not interact with Tabasco, should have no problem in closer interaction with the congress critter herd. A few would be somewhat American and could lead a few of the others. Tame mares and ponies could be brought for the more adventurous among the congress critter herd. What an experience and a possible bonding experience with the others they might have. There might even be a few that could be trusted to hold unloaded guns with supervision. Secret Service and Federal Marshals could be there in abundance to protect the public and ensure no foolish moves are made by any of them allowed to touch guns. Maybe a few select could do that hunting, fishing, shooting and meat eating that Mr. president wants them to do, if possible. A pasture could be fenced as a safe space for the delusional amongst them.

    The President wants to be inclusive. He wants as many of the 535 Congress critter herd to actually join him in the joy of production, of building, of doing American stuff, of being great in America again.
    As I have said, he has a bigger heart than I have.

    “Home, Home on the range. Where the deer and the congress Critters play. … And seldom was heard, a discouraging word, and the skies are not cloudy all day.”

    Can’t we all get along. It will be best if we all get along. It will be great for America if we all get along. For all of America.
    You won’t like me if you make me angry. You don’t want to make me angry. ….

    (That was a fun write. 🙂 )

    • March 28, 2017 at 11:18 pm

      Home. Home on the range….

      Next to the grill and smoker…

      Turn the heat to simmer and ready the hot peppers and oregano…

      Feel the burn…

    • March 28, 2017 at 11:21 pm

      Actually, if you lined them all up and headed them into a cattle chute, they could all be inoculated with RealityChx vaccine, which is harmless but does shake up the daydreams.

      • March 29, 2017 at 1:34 am

        My God. How would they ever handle reality. 🙂

      • March 29, 2017 at 6:39 am
        Bill G


      • March 29, 2017 at 7:06 am

        Isn’t that just west of Nevada? Ha!

      • March 29, 2017 at 1:50 pm

        Will Doc Pol be there for pregnancy checks? I can hear him now.
        “Most of these are males with undescended testicles”. Send them to market.

    • March 29, 2017 at 11:08 am
      Maj Arkay

      Ahem, we Texans refer to them as Congressvermin, not critters.

      • March 29, 2017 at 2:06 pm

        Point noted.

        Now what caliber is proper for these vermin?

  • March 28, 2017 at 10:15 pm

    Sounds like a good, healthy suggestion. Being out in the field can only do then good. For those that just can’t grasp, perhaps they can spend time with Tabasco!

  • March 28, 2017 at 10:18 pm

    When is that darn fundraiser going to start?
    I hope you are going to have a digital product only option this year.

    • March 28, 2017 at 11:33 pm
      Grunt GI

      Well, it might be nice to throw us a bone on this super secret squirrel project he’s been working on too…

      Just sayin’

      • March 29, 2017 at 12:12 am

        Squirrel TO BE revealed as an option during the fundraiser

      • March 29, 2017 at 7:08 am

        Just Squirrel? How about MOOSE and Squirrel!?

        And since the Russians have been messing around with elections and all, you could throw in Boris and Natasha…

      • March 29, 2017 at 10:29 am

        Well at least Natasha…

      • March 29, 2017 at 12:57 pm

        Indeed, Natasha Fatale had all the right curves to fit in well with the DBD ladies…

  • March 28, 2017 at 11:24 pm

    Just remember that piece of wisdom, my friends: Texas is no country for old men or damned fools.

    • March 28, 2017 at 11:48 pm

      Well there went that little party guest list…

      How many of the 535 are not one, the other, or both?

    • March 28, 2017 at 11:53 pm
      Deplorable B Woodman

      I’m an old man, and damned if anyone is going to keep me out of Texas if I want to go.

    • March 29, 2017 at 1:10 am

      Depends on which of the 535 shows up first. They’re mostly town wienies, you know. I don’ t think any of them could even survive a brief 20 minute hike through the forest preserves around where I live. They’d show up in inappropriate hiking clohtes and expect a comfy chair and a highball afterwards.

  • March 28, 2017 at 11:57 pm
    Deplorable B Woodman

    535 in a barn. I can see it now……2×4 triple decker bunk beds and sleeping bags…..I’d pay good PPV money to watch that. Or CSPAN. Which ever.

    Just keep ’em out of the way of Tabasco. On second thought…..naaah. Again, record it, put it on PPV, help pay down the national debt.

  • March 28, 2017 at 11:59 pm
    Deplorable B Woodman

    “….low energy, low-T….”
    Is that what happens when you live in a swamp?

  • March 29, 2017 at 12:21 am

    535 congressmen invited to a BBQ restaurant. Oh, just think of the possibilities. …

    Fried green tomatoes, anyone?

    • March 29, 2017 at 6:42 am
      Bill G

      Most of them would be too toxic to become soylent green.

  • March 29, 2017 at 12:47 am

    To instill proper discipline and “esprit de corps” in their ranks after losing a battle, the Romans would line all the surviving troops in front of a cliff and every tenth man would take a giant step forward. Maybe Pres. Trump should revive this fine old Appian tradition of “decimation” and introduce it to the distinguished gentlemen of Congress. And, broadcast it live on Pay-Per-View for the great unwashed masses. Ratings Gold !

  • March 29, 2017 at 12:50 am
    Doc Epador

    I like the eyebrow in last frame. Reminds me of Groucho, in a good way.

  • March 29, 2017 at 1:06 am

    Unless I’m mistaken, the ranch is big enough to turn all those congress critters out in the back 640 after a full meal and a nap, and let them find their way back to the main ranch house. I’d assume that Zed has a private shooting range, for daily practice. Stray bullets, a stray and very territorial Longhorn bull, a few willfull, independent people – yeah, it might work.

    Can they see the Marfa lights from the hill country down there? If it’s where I think it is, they should be able to. There used to be Lubbock Lights, too.

  • March 29, 2017 at 1:12 am

    In one corner: Alpha and the Fair Melania
    In the other corner: Uniparty Betaworld
    It’s not a fair fight, hopefully.

  • March 29, 2017 at 6:46 am
    Bill G

    Don’t do it! No matter what pro-active hazmat measure Zed could take that barn could never be brought back to a condition suitable for the animals to inhabit it.
    Liberals, only, and they wouldn’t want to keep any around on a long-term basis.

  • March 29, 2017 at 6:47 am
    Bill G

    Right now I’m fishing for an image of Chuckie Schumer faced with a fishhook and a worm…

  • March 29, 2017 at 8:25 am

    Tabasco is in for a fun summer.

    • March 29, 2017 at 8:51 am

      That’s exactly what I was thinking… A bit of running (with Tabasco folling for incentive) might do the lot of them some good.

    • March 29, 2017 at 1:41 pm

      Better stock up on Bull condoms. We can’t have him picking up anything unsavory.

  • March 29, 2017 at 8:33 am

    The barn. Yeah, perfect place to collect bullshit.

  • March 29, 2017 at 9:32 am

    What, Zed doesn’t have a Red Phone for Whitehouse communications?

    • March 29, 2017 at 12:42 pm

      Can’t rely on special lines.
      They might be tapped.

  • March 29, 2017 at 10:27 am

    Great toon today…Low T indeed.

  • March 29, 2017 at 10:36 am

    On reflection, Bill G up there has it right: don’t do it.

    For the sake of the animals yes, but also for any of us who so dearly wish to visit…me for the second time of course since I made my cameo in September.

    All that great ‘Q and the beautiful view, could not survive the aftermath of the vile remnants of the 535…ruined for us and for the locals who are used to smelly animals and bullshit of the God-given and innocuous kind…but not this.

    Sorry, DT, gotta find another venue, this place is too precious.

    Is the Coliseum available?

  • March 29, 2017 at 10:52 am

    Chris~~ Will Javier be taking a peek at what they are carrying in their devices? Maybe accessing dark, should never see daylight information. Secrets. Wants. Desires. How much some of them pay for their own personal Punisher for being the oh such naughty dirty boys they are. Their contacts lists and hidden offshore accounts. The videos.
    Low T won’t be their only problem.

  • March 29, 2017 at 11:49 am
    Polly Cy

    The potential Animal Farm references abound. It was due for a modern update, anyway.

  • March 29, 2017 at 1:42 pm

    535 PLUS all the SS agents. That’s going to be a CROWD.

    • March 29, 2017 at 7:23 pm
      Deplorable B Woodman

      Treat the SecSer people right. They don’t deserve any additional punishment, having to “guard” the Kongress Kritters is punishment enough.

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